Vampire Therapist Review

When you’re an immortal, blood-thirsty being with a habit of self-defeating talk, who do you lean on when things go wrong? Living through several centuries means that low days or tough weeks (or even years-long struggles) are inevitable, and there’s not necessarily an abundant supply of podcast ads touting the effectiveness of “Better Fangs, the go-to therapy app for vampires.” And when you’re a powerful, sexy, thousands-of-years-old undead person, your support system of fellow hot bloodsuckers might be busy travelling the world, dealing with their own eternal amount of emotional baggage, or embarking on their next thrilling murder spree. Well, that’s where Sam Walls comes in, the cowboy vampire therapist who yee-haws validation and compassion in Little Bat Games’ latest dark comedy visual novel, Vampire Therapist.

Sam isn’t exactly the face I’d picture when I think of a vampire, let alone a vampire training to work in the field of mental health. His sharp fangs are as shiny as his belt buckle, and his cowboy hat might scream Wild West, but he has a good, soft heart. Though his rap sheet of mischief and hunting humans for sport might be a long one, that life has been put behind him by the start of the game. Instead of a vampire baring his fangs, we meet one who’s baring his heart.

In Vampire Therapist, it isn’t the scorching sun or the ever-present desire to drink blood that’s holding vamps back; rather, it’s the heap of negative self-talk that prevents them from finding inner peace — and it turns out, Sam’s not the only one who believes that working through those thought patterns can make all the difference. At the start of the game, Sam heads to a goth club in Germany run by a very old, wise vampire named Andromachos. After being taken under Andy’s wing and given your very own modern smart coffin — complete with a television and comfy cushions — it’s time to start training and meeting your clients.

I have to say, this cast is one of the most memorable I’ve encountered in a while, and I found myself rather attached to them by the end. Whether you’re holding a session with a Shakespearean stage actor who needs to be the best in the world or a researcher addicted to synthetic plasma, each one is unique, relatable, and quite funny, even amidst conversations about some of their heavier hang-ups. The balance between silly and serious remarks makes for a delightful playthrough, as it’s never so heavy that you need a breather, and never so silly that you lose sight of the gravity of certain issues.

Despite the cast primarily consisting of vampires, the emotions they experience are very relatable and deeply human, and the help they receive in your therapy sessions is rooted in real-life cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) concepts, as Little Bat Games developed this title in consultation with licensed therapists. Though we’re initially introduced to Sam’s cowboy-ish terms for these concepts, like “High Noon Mind” and “Saloon Thinking,” Andy teaches us the actual real-life names of these cognitive distortions, such as Labeling, Disqualifying the Positive, Mind Reading, and Catastrophizing.

Prior to seeing a client, Sam typically learns about a new distortion, and you’ll collect a total of 12 by the end of the game. With these new concepts under your belt, you must identify which ones your clients exhibit to help them recognise the patterns or unhelpful ways they’re talking about themselves. During a session, the dialogue will pause when the character makes a statement that contains a distortion, such as “I’m a repulsive, old woman” or “I like it when they think I’m a monster,” and you’ll have to identify it from your list at the bottom of the dialogue box.

The gameplay is very forgiving here, so you don’t have to stress too much about choosing the wrong option. If you happen to get the distortion wrong, you’ll simply receive a hint from Andy, who usually repeats what your client said, just in clearer terms. You are rewarded with achievements when you get multiple correct distortions in a row, but there’s no penalty for mistakes. You can simply practice and learn about these concepts in a low-stakes environment, which makes it a joy to play all throughout. My only gripe is that Sam’s dialogue when pointing out the distortions can feel unnatural, as his repetition of the terms gets a bit heavy-handed; however, I do admit that these concepts will stick in your mind as a result.

As someone who has filled out many CBT worksheets as homework from therapy, I honestly never expected to see these concepts crossover into a videogame, so it was truly a joy to see them spotlighted and explained in such a well-researched and fun manner. I often think about games when I’m not playing them — daydreaming about strategies for World of Warcraft arena matches or random things to try in Baldur's Gate 3 — but this might be the first time a game has helped me notice how I’m thinking and recognise what internal conversations I’m having with myself. I’m more inclined to pause when I say something negative or pull myself out when I fall down the “would’ve, could’ve, should’ve” rabbit hole, choosing to treat myself like I would a friend rather than a punching bag. Even if you’ve never had a therapy session or haven’t heard of CBT before this game, Vampire Therapist is a great introduction, and you might notice it’s easier to tap into compassion and empathy for yourself and others after learning about these distortions.

Besides the main client sessions, you do get to play a couple of on-theme mini-games, but I liked them a bit less than the rest of the gameplay. Sam frequently needs to drink blood, at which point you’ll line up his fangs with a person’s veins in their neck; though it doesn’t add a ton to the game overall, it’s a nice reminder that you are, in fact, a vampire. Then, there’s the mindfulness mini-game that is honestly pretty confusing at first. You’re brought to a screen where Sam has several thoughts floating through his mind (some of which are hilarious), and there’s an icon in the bottom corner of the screen indicating that you need to hold your mouse button to breathe in and out. The problem is the game doesn’t explain that you need to hover your cursor over the floating thoughts during this process, so I spent a good five minutes just having Sam breathe in and out, wondering why nothing was happening. Additionally, it seemed odd that I wasn’t given an opportunity to teach my clients this mindfulness technique, as it would’ve made its inclusion more meaningful.

When it comes to art and voice acting, both are truly wonderful. I absolutely adored the various character designs, as there are so many details to appreciate, from cool goth-punk outfits to a vampire’s face of pure rage. As memorable as the game is visually, every single voice is ingrained into my mind as well. Each voice actor masterfully conveys sadness, regret, joy, anger, and acceptance — the whole spectrum of emotions — in beautifully distinct ways. Their delivery brought every character to life, making me belly-laugh in one moment and tear up in the next.

Vampire Therapist achieves an emotional impact that few games do, and it does so while being just the right amount of silly all throughout. If you want to get attached to a lovely cast of vampires, learn about real CBT concepts, and get hyped for a possible sequel teased at the end, then this is definitely a visual novel to sink your fangs into.