Post Master Review

There are a surprising number of games on the market today that sound horrendously boring but manage to attract a niche following due to unusual but functional and fun mechanics. Euro Truck Simulator 2 is a prime example, so too is Paradox’s Cities in Motion 2, which allows you to control the transport system of a single city. Post Master places the gamer at the head of a citywide postal system, tasking him/her with the job of expanding their company across the game world. Unless you still praise Postman Pat as some sort of deity, or have posters of Yodel and DPD vans strewn across your bedroom in place of Ferraris, then that’s likely to sound like a boring theme. That’s because it most certainly is; what’s more, unlike the aforementioned titles, the game itself induces horrendous boredom. Faith-draining, axe-murder-inspiring boredom.

In all honesty, Post Master starts on a relative high. The main menu is more than a little drab and contains music that wouldn’t be out of place in a lift or GP waiting room; but once you launch into the tutorial, things start to improve. The map on which the tutorial is set looks decent enough for a game of this sort; it’s certainly no SimCity, but it’s functional. The UI is clinical but comfortable and familiar, while the game’s mechanics are easily understandable. The tutorial itself is good; it’s clear, direct and informative. Many strategy and simulation games fail on this front, so Post Master has that going for it. The game is split into a few different key sections: managing your post offices, your delivery system including routes and prices, as well as your vehicles. By the time the tutorial is over you’ll be adept with just about every mechanic in the game.

That, you see, is one of the key issues with Post Master. Simply put, the tutorial is the best part of the whole game; in reality, the tutorial might as well be the whole game. Once you learn the basics, there isn’t really anything else to do. You’ll fire up a full game, go through the motions of what the tutorial taught you, building up a good small postal business, but it’s at this point that you’ll reach the ‘black pit’ of Post Master. From here on out, it’s simply a matter of waiting for the cash to flow in so you can make small but practically pointless changes to your company and expand your outreach to more faceless areas of the city. This essentially means that you’ll be spending more than half of your time with Post Master staring at a screen, waiting for your funds to increase. Games like Uncharted have often been questioned for their lack of true player interaction, but this is just ridiculous.

Even when you do finally gather enough cash to make improvements, the act of developing your company is so dull that there’s absolutely no inspiration to do so. You can buy new offices, new vehicles and upgrades for your current offices, but none of these feel remotely satisfying as the game fails to reward you for your advances; you’ll still be experiencing the same slow wait for money. There’s an attempt at a mission system which is tied into the unlocking of new kit, but it’s hopelessly badly designed and balanced, meaning you’re unlikely to even bother with specifically aiming for certain goals. Even if there was something decent to aim for, an award for endurance should go to anyone who could actually play to the point at which you unlock the third city. However, it should be pointed out that this one final city is still within the same map that you’ll be playing on the whole time; it’s just off limits to begin with.

There’s genuinely not a saving grace here; Post Master is a painfully slow and boring simulation game that puts snooze fests like Street Cleaner Simulator and even Nascar 2014 to shame. It’s perfectly functional and looks OK, but the gameplay is practically non-existent. It’s almost as though the developers designed some game mechanics but forgot to actually make it into an enjoyable experience; they clearly need a lesson in ‘fun 101’, or at least a game of SimCity, Roller-Coaster Tycoon or, hell, even Mall Tycoon (yes, it’s that bad). This game should be avoided like posted anthrax, for fear of wasted money and mind-numbing boredom. Simulation games don’t have the best reputation when it comes to ‘super-awesome excitement’, but this is far and away the worst of the lot. Who in their right mind decided that this should be made public?