New Switch Firmware Announced, Fixes Controllers and Improves Taste of Cartridges

Editor's Note: The astute amongst you will have probably noticed the date on this article already. This April Fools gag was brought to you by GameGrin.com.

Nintendo’s first update to the Switch will address some of the more common complaints about the device. The firmware, which is due in June, will update the console to software version 2.5. A number of issues which have been plaguing Switch users are to be addressed in this update.

The controller sync issue has been fixed. This was due to a power issue with the controllers’ embedded Bluetooth. By rerouting power from all non-essential systems at idle moments, the controller is able to keep the Bluetooth unit’s dilithium crystals fully charged so that dropouts no longer occur.

The second issue addressed is the taste of the cartridges. It’s been well documented that Nintendo has been using denatonium benzoate to make sure that children don’t accidentally ingest the cartridges. The new firmware removes this coating from games on the first time they are used in the console. This is an optional feature which uses heat to burn away the coating so it is non-reversible. When the firmware goes live you will find the option in the parental controls section. A warning will then pop up when you boot the console advising you not to eat the game cartridges.

The last issue being addressed is the issue of the unstable kickstand. A number of YouTube celebrities found that this was not securing their console well enough and it would fall over when pushed. The issue is the top-heavy nature of the Switch so it was assumed this would need a hardware fix. Instead, the rather clever solution Nintendo have opted for involves routing electrons to the bottom of the device in opposite directions to the natural electrical flow. This causes a magnetic field which keeps the device held firm to the device. Note that this only works on steel so you’ll want to make sure that you’re playing your Switch on the draining board of your kitchen sink for maximum effect.