Who Does King Mickey Think He Is?

Imagine, if you will, that you lived in the world of Kingdom Hearts — or one of the many worlds, for that matter — and you were just a regular NPC. Tell me, good sirs, madams, and those who simply vibe, how would you feel about King Mickey? After all, is there a reason that he is the highest power when it comes to the monarchy in the series?

As it’s the fifth anniversary of Kingdom Hearts III, let us consider how the NPCs feel. For this reason, let’s take a look at what one of these concerned citizens is saying:

A Letter from a Concerned Citizen

Look, I don’t know about you, but what right does Mickey Mouse have to become a king? Where did this guy even come from? He’s not royalty, so does that mean anyone can be in charge? This guy was working on a steamboat, and out of the blue, he’s marrying Queen Minnie — an actual queen — and suddenly he’s King Mickey. Not Prince Consort Mickey, not Prince Mickey, King Mickey.

It’s like Queen Minnie handed the title to him. Sure, he’s a good fighter, but so is Goofy, and so is Donald. What makes King Mickey so special that he can just waltz around all our worlds, whenever he wants, and get into all our business. No, I won’t stand for it. I won’t, I say!

Since these weird shadowy things appeared, King Mickey has run off to travel around all these different worlds. I mean, none of us knew you could do that, but he can? Doesn’t he have a kingdom to run? Plus, why’s he hanging out with kids when he left his wife and no heir in charge of our kingdom? It’s ridiculous, and he’s put the rest of us in danger because he just does whatever he wants.

Like I get that these shadow blobs are dangerous, but how can anyone fight them with a key? Hell, the kid with the goofy (no disrespect to the noble Sir Goofy) shoes does more to fight these things than Mickey does. All he does is run around wherever and whenever, and at this point, I have to wonder, was he even real?

Think about it. In the past few years, we, the public, have not seen King Mickey in the flesh. Oh sure, Sirs Donald and Goofy say they’ve seen him, but it’s all a conspiracy I say. Until Mickey comes back to the throne, I’ll assume that this has all been a publicity stunt.

After all, no one really sees him, and the last time we did, he just watched some fireworks, claiming they had defeated some guy and saved the worlds. Also, something about defeating nobodies, but if they were nobodies, were they really that important?

Personally, I think King Mickey needs to sit down and actually look after his kingdom, but from what I heard, he just went to go and visit the beach. So, doesn’t look like anything’s changed.

Signed,
A Concerned Citizen

Note: This is a joke article, please don’t hurt me loyal subjects of King Mickey.