The Midnight Launch And Other Bad Ideas

As something of a fanboy for the noble art of playing games, and as someone with enough miles on the clock that my joints have begun to click where once they were oiled and fluid, it would be fair to presume that I have a relatively healthy weight of experience in said noblest of arts.

And you would be correct in such a presumption. Over the years I have devoted far too many hours - or perhaps just the right amount depending on your viewpoint - to games and their many varied shapes and sizes.

Across this vast span of time and space where I’ve lived countless lives, died in countless gruesome ways, tasted glory on the tumble of dice, and defeat at the hands of lag, hackers, or maybe glitches (but never better-skilled players, never) I have learned one very important lesson. You’re never too old to make huge soul-destroying mistakes that will haunt your dreams for years to come.

Cut to Penzance, Cornwall, 11pm, November, 2010. Incessant drizzle falls from an inky black cloud laden sky and the wind bites through my unseasonal choice of jacket as the words, ‘you need layers’, repeat on a loop in my head from one frozen ear to the other. And I groan inwardly.

Hands buried so deep into pockets that I’m feeling lint from another age, I stand in a queue of four. The couple in front look layered up for the weather, which does nothing to raise my depleted spirits. I have no idea who stands behind me beyond a vague knowledge that some presence is there. I dare not turn around to look for fear of meeting the eyes of whoever, or whatever, lurks there and being drawn into an awkward and stilted conversation. The night is still early, and I have no desire to make a new acquaintance yet.

To my right, the glaring light from the videogame shop casts an unwelcome beam across our motley crew who have come to queue, and inside I can feel the continued build-up of regret. Deep, aching regret.

The stuff of nightmares.

On this fateful night of nights, 10th November 2010, Microsoft released the Kinect. And soft lad here thought what a great idea it would be to traverse the dark and snarling Cornish country lanes in clinging mist and gentle rain to attend the undoubted cacophony of joyous noise and utter delight that would await me in the shape of the Kinect midnight launch at the other end.

I envisioned lights and music, a jittery crowd of eager Xbox gamers getting drenched in the excitement, and an air of expectancy so electric you could power the national grid from its essence alone.

As I ascended the escalator towards my destination the doubts had surfaced already. These were largely based upon the eerie silence that hung in the air broken only by the gentle hum of the moving staircase. And then, as I alighted at the top the sight that greeted me made my heart sink. There was no music nor excitement, no electricity, no fanfares, no Kinect mascots, and, pretty much, nobody there. Well, save for the two Xbox gamers at the door, a couple it seemed, already waiting. And they were getting drenched, but it was just the rain and I was instantly convinced that it had already washed away any semblance of excitable activity to come.

As I approached the scene I felt sheepish to the point that I almost walked straight past but, I did actually want to get my mitts on a Kinect. I suppose this want was my first foolish act that then led directly to my second that now saw me dutifully taking my place in, well I suppose my presence made it a queue, so the queue, and waiting. And waiting.

It’s funny how time alters based upon the situation you find yourself in. The one I was in right now had it moving like it was in The Matrix. The rain fell slowly, the clock hands idled along, the shuffle of feet behind me sounded laboured as they arrived, just one pair of feet the entire time, I didn’t look, and the temperature at the core of my body gently dropped with every drawn-out minute meaning the only thing that did gradually increase was the rate at which I was shivering.

By the time the clock finally reached midnight I was beyond caring. I was cold, miserable and wet, and then I bought a Kinect! Jesus, what a night! The moment of purchase was as disappointing as the many moments of waiting, and then I quietly plodded back to the car, drove home, and went to bed. My midnight launch experience at an end. The nightmares, however, would continue for some time to come. The one where I actually turn to greet the presence behind me in the queue is a particularly unpleasant one, but that’s a story for another time.

I’ve painted a bleak picture. And to be fair, it was a grim night waiting for what transpired to be an even grimmer piece of underwhelming technology. And you’d think I’d have learned my lesson from the dusty HD-DVD player that sat alongside my Xbox 360. But no.
However, that time outside Penzance Game allowed me time for contemplation, and I drew a conclusion that a desire and devotion to playing games frequently leads me down some routes clearly signposted terrible idea.

I mean, it had led me to leave my house just before 11pm on a cold and wet November night to stand in a queue outside a closed shop in a deserted town to get my hands on a dodgy piece of hardware that I could have bought in daylight the following day. And I was already in my thirties! These are not the acts of a rational adult in his thirties.

My love for games also saw me start a clan back in the day that rapidly descended into something akin to a cross between EastEnders and The Krays where there was so much drama and conflict in one day across the forums, I swear George RR Martin must have used us as inspiration for his future writing.

And then I started writing about games and my experiences with them and how my trip to a midnight launch was one of life’s low points, and nobody wants to read that!

These things come in threes apparently, so hopefully, I’m done with the big ones and can now relax as I look forward to taking delivery of a PlayStation VR headset in the new year without fear of embracing a product that might die or have me keeling over from crippling motion sickness where I might want to die. It will look fantastic alongside my new 3D TV as well. So, phew, that’s a bonus.

I know I’ve over-egged it a little, or a lot probably. Gaming, as we all know, is blessed with so many incredible moments in reality, and virtual reality. We enjoy memorable shared experiences and leave with wonderful stories to recount after the credits roll or we get quick-scoped back to the title page. And long may it continue to light our lives. However, balls to all that for the moment, what are the stupidest decisions you have ever made in the name of playing games? This is where the good stuff lives. Let me know in the comments, I’m all ears and who knows, it might even make me feel a little better about my own ill-considered decisions.