Ranking Every John, Johnny, and Johnathan Keanu Reeves Has Played (Part Two)

4. John Constantine (Constantine, 2005)

Based on the DC comic series Hellblazer, Constantine follows relic arsenal hoarder, demonic butt-kicker occult detective, Father James Bond… aka John Constantine. Born with the ability to see the half-angels and half-demons that hide in plain sight amongst us in the earthly realm - he interprets the daily battles for human souls these deities fight for as divine manipulation.

Constantine lives with the knowledge that the rules are black and white - without exceptions, which leads to a contradiction; for instance, Suicide is considered a mortal sin, regardless of whether or not it was to prevent yourself from becoming a host for a demon.

Couple this with his own experience of being ostracised for being crazy for witnessing these battles for human souls, and subsequently goes through courses of electrotherapy to treat his “visions”; he comes to the conclusion that free will is a myth and decides to take his own life. The two minutes he was dead, we had been cast to Hell, in which he says “time stops... two minutes in hell feel like a lifetime”.

After being resuscitated, knowing the horrors of hell are worse than any suffering spent on earth, he vows to use his powers to save his soul from eternal damnation. A fruitless effort as his desire to redeem himself stems from fear rather than for the betterment of others.

And as such, this dilemma has left Constantine as jaded, impertinent, and out of touch with humanity to say the least. Throughout his journey, spots of light show through his drab demeanor. It doesn’t excuse him from generally being a prick at the worst of times - displaying some sadistic tendencies by mimicking his own belief that God is as a “kid with an ant-farm” through trapping a spider underneath a glass with his cigarette smoke.

Though you can’t really blame him for his personality and his attitude to life, as it’s a byproduct of all the trauma he’s been through. His temperament acts as a barrier to protect himself from inevitable grief if anyone were to get too close to him; and in a way, it’s a merciful boundary to prevent needless death… still, he’s too much of a downer for me so…

KEANUnit: 2
JOHNumber: 2
REEVESum: 4

 

3. Johnny Utah (Point Break, 1991)

It takes a lot to become an undercover agent. It’s all the more difficult shedding that wet-behind-the-ears vibe when entering a new workplace, though Johnny Utah seems instantly capable of keeping his head above the rowdy, machismo waters over at the FBI. Although his naivety and overconfidence lead to some severe lapses of judgment, resulting in him tumbling down the drain of questionable moral dilemmas consistently.

Diving right into his first assignment (busting the notoriously slippery bank robbers), Utah shows his competence and trust in his partner as a professional, demonstrating his ability to adapt and improvise out in the field. However, he gets too comfortable with his authority and intuition, having targeted the wrong gang - all the while getting too familiar with another group to objectively take them down. Oops! Rookie mistake!

This all escalates into an exceptional amount of bloodshed and wipeouts, everyone pretty much dying all because of Johnny’s hesitance to stay professional - and instead adopts the ringleader’s adrenaline junkie based life philosophy; taking it to the edge… and passing it.

By the end, Utah seems like he took all the lessons from this mission to heart; though he still punts the living daylights out of a dog like he was reliving his college football glory days. He’s not getting off the hook with that one, so I’m deducting a point off from his J.O.H.Number.

As for the Keanu factor; the cocky, quick-witted, “young, dumb and full of-” comradery attitude pairs neatly with ‘91 Reeves & Utah respectively. If only he didn’t try so hard to do his barely registerable “cool guy” voice every now again.

KEANUnit: 3
JOHNumber: 3
REEVESum: 6

2. Jonathan Harker (Bram Stoker's Dracula, 1992)

What I assume probably started off as a prank gone horribly wrong, fresh faced solicitor Jonathan Harker is shipped off to be an estate agent for an estranged and eccentric older foreign client… one Count Dracula. Before any wacky hilarity ensues over in Transylvania, he promises his partner Mina Murray that they will marry as soon as he gets back from his business trip. Cue an supernatural infidelical entanglement for the ages.

The amount of patience that Jonathan has is hilariously pitiful. He’s obviously aware of the strange oddities that happen during his journey to the castle, and within the presence of Dracula: The passive acceptance to the locals hostility towards the Count, the wall of fire he traverses through before the main gate, the unsettling happenstances Drac does around him, all combinating into a fairly polite confrontation considering he had “Bloody wolves chasing [him] through some blue inferno”. At least there is a limit to Harker… somewhat.

After finally losing said patience, Jonathan becomes seduced by Dracula’s harem and is subsequently trapped as his pad, all the while the Count simps over a picture of Harker's fiancée, believing that she is the reincarnation of his long-deceased wife, proceeding to woo her. The charms of the vampyr are seemingly irresistible for anyone to bear, as Dracula travels to London and successfully ensnares Mina over relentless persistence into obsession for him.

This all happens while Jonathan acts as a glorified self-replenishing Capri-sun blood-pack for the concubines, but manages to escape the castle after many failed attempts. After surviving that hell, he comes back home with an enamored Mina who slowly grows more hysterical as she pines over his captor as time goes by. The boy’s stress level should be at a peak breaking point, but I took his resigned behaviour as incredibly understanding of the situation… even if he definitely comes off as a huge pushover.

Whether intentional or not, Keanu’s portrayal of Jonathan Harker is simply adorable. His stiff actions actually benefit his performance and character well, and the film captures that Bill and Ted 80s surf/rocker intonation that peaks between the tweedy upper-class English accent.

KEANUnit: 3
JOHNumber: 4
REEVESum: 7

1. Jardani Jovonovich aka John Wick (John Wick series, 2014 / 2017 / 2019)

Quite possibly Keanu’s most recognisable and most loved roles, up there with the likes of Neo, Theodore Logan, and Jack Tavern - John Wick is undoubtedly his most badass role to date.

After having his home invaded, being assaulted, stealing his car, and killing his dog (of which was a gift from his wife posthumously), retired hitman John Wick goes on a one-man crusade for revenge. He’s become a legend amongst assassin circles, having been labeled as “Baba Yaga” (or The Boogieman), he’s seen as an unstoppable killing machine the likes of Michael Myers and Jason Voorhees.

Competent as John is, he uses that fear to get an upper hand on his opponents; though it’s evident how little he cares for that title or his profession. He only knows a life of brutal hardship and survival via the underground culture of crime he was born into; however, that lifestyle has stunted his sense of autonomy.

When it comes to pivotal moral quandaries, towards the latter half of the series - there's a hesitancy where he balances consequence and principles where he usually outsources before making a personal decision. And even though his name instills dread in everyone, and he has been wronged by so many people, he doesn’t default to bloodlust or bitterness, remaining a merciful quality to his being once innocence presents itself.

And Keanu’s acting prowess excels in this role. A wholesome killing machine that gives him enough material to execute tough-guy one-liners, not so much to be monologuing either, and some amazing feats of skill from martial arts to gunplay; this is without question, Reeves in his element.

KEANUnit: 5
JOHNumber: 4
REEVESum: 9

Going on this tour through a fragment of the Keanuverse, on a quest for the quintessential John was a wild ride. One that has changed my perspective on Keanu as an actor as a whole. As preparation before meeting Johnny Silverhand, this has been a wonderful crash course into the works of Keanu Reeves.
There were a few consistencies during my time in the 17 hours, 9 minutes, and 25 seconds worth I spent with these seven Johns. There were:

seven times he’s worn a white shirt (five when paired with a black tie),
six injured Johns,
six references to spirituality and faith,
five times he was shirtless,
four times we had exposition in the opening screen,
three times he rides a horse,
two instances of dog kicking (three if you include one of the Magnetic Dog Sisters in Johnny Mnemonic),
and one singing Keanu.