Marvel Comics Aren’t Telltale Games Material

Some recent news about the cast for Telltale’s upcoming Guardians of the Galaxy reminded me that it was on its way. It’s been a while since it was mentioned, and I’ve had to contend with Batman - The Telltale Series since.

Reminding me about the upcoming title after the… I’ll be charitable and call it a mess of a Batman game, hasn’t made me think of it in the best light. And having gone back and checked out the list of Telltale games, I’ve realised that Marvel have made a huge mistake. Marvel Comics characters are simply not suitable for Telltale.

Story spoilers for multiple Telltale titles follow.

Ready for spoilers?

As a zombie-filled spin-off of a horror franchise, all of The Walking Dead games feature multiple character deaths. From a series standpoint it’s understandable, since in the comics and TV show the same thing happens. Similarly, Game of Thrones - A Telltale Games Series sees a steadily rising bodycount from about five minutes into the first episode, with Season Two likely to follow the trend.

The Wolf Among Us quite early on has a dead prostitute and deals with the seedier parts of the Fables universe with tons of blood depending on your choices. Tales from the Borderlands takes place in a crapsack universe, and there’s only so far you can take that.

I’ve already made my feelings about BATMAN clear… Every character is a bastard, and there’s no other way to describe it.

But, you’ll cry out, Minecraft: Story Mode is lighthearted and joyous! Well, you’ll cry that out unless you’re a critic, according to its scores on Metacritic.

So, judging by Telltale’s pedigree since the release of The Walking Dead, Marvel's Guardians of the Galaxy: The Telltale Series has two options: feature a horrid universe full of death, or be critically panned. Of course the third option is to be both, as with BATMAN.

Also, crap programming...

You just have to look at any Marvel movie featuring an Avenger to know that Marvel characters live in a nice, happy universe. Characters die, yes, but unless you’re a minority you’re going to come back to life or be cloned within the next 18 months.

The Guardians of the Galaxy movie, all the Avengers-related movies, the upcoming Spider-Man Homecoming… The only hope is for Telltale to channel the upbeat Disney-owned movies as well as they channeled the dour Nolan Batman movies last year… The only Marvel characters that might suit the gloom of Telltale are Punisher and Moon Knight, or the entire Marvel Zombies universe.

Unless they can convince me that they have taken a different route, I’ll need to get a prescription for Xanax before I install Guardians of the Galaxy: The Telltale Series. You can get drama and emotion without murder and child abuse, Telltale...