Hairstyles in Videogames That Would Make A Hairstylist Weep

The 27th of May is National Hairstylists Mental Health Awareness Day, and with it, I thought I would take a look at some videogame dos that would make any stylist cry if you came in hoping to emulate it. For the sake of my sanity, I’ve not included too many from anime adaptations (Yugi Mutou from Yu-Gi-Oh! seems like too low a bar at this point), and I’ve limited myself on the number of Final Fantasy and Kingdom Hearts characters on this list, or I’ll be here for a while.

Of course, JRPGs aren’t off-limits, but I should also say that all of my comments should be taken with a pinch of salt. This isn’t a serious article by any stretch of the imagination, so feel free to sit back and watch as I make a hairstylist sweat bullets.

Seymour Guado

Final Fantasy X

You know, it says a lot that Seymour wasn’t just memorable to me as an antagonist, but even by the fact that for years, I have thought his hair makes no sense. In fact, most Final Fantasy characters’ hairstyles don’t make sense, but Seymour? His hair haunts me. It defies all physics with how it sticks out. Without his weird antennae? Devil horns? His hair would be fine, but his hair is stupid. His hair is just so dumb, and can you imagine going into a salon to request the Guado Treatment? Absolutely not. Seymour has committed so many sins, but he will never atone for this crime against hair.

Alear

Fire Emblem: Engage

Personally, Alear’s hairstyle isn’t nearly as bad as some of the others on this list, but their hair colour baffles me. Hair dyeing can be a challenge, and the mixture of reds and blues would take hours, especially if you need to bleach your hair first. There’s a reason these two were compared to Colgate and Pepsi. Their hair isn’t the worst, but it hurts me in my soul that it’s not a solid red/blue half-and-half. Instead, we’re looking at mixes of reds and blues in the midst of each block, and that is the most frustrating thing here.

Guile

Street Fighter Series

There’s no way we can’t mention Guile’s hair in this list. Guile was developed for American fans, and I had to wonder if this was a tongue-in-cheek design that they lost control of. With a three-inch-wide flat top style, I can’t understand how Guile is so fixated on this image. He goes so far as to style it, and the army has even developed a specialised hairspray just for him, and it baffles me. I know his appearance was based on Polnareff of Jojo’s Bizarre Adventure fame, but that’s neither here nor there (after all, how can you hate Polnareff’s hair?).

Paul Phoenix

Tekken Series (Not Counting Tekken 8)

I’ve gotta say: Paul’s mostly been forgiven for his hair as of Tekken 8, as I have to admit, he’s got some good style in the latest game. However, in the previous iterations, he’s had some questionable choices. Now, I’m all for gravity-defying hair, but this? How much gel does he need to use? Now, the screenshot chosen is from Tekken 4, and this seems tame, especially compared to the first game. The best way to describe how I see this hairstyle is when Gon Freecs has a moment where he grows up in Hunter x Hunter, and his hair grows with him. But Paul’s hair has been steadily becoming more realistic, which, you know, I appreciate him growing with the time.

Piers

Pokémon Sword and Shield

Imagine you come into a salon and request a style like Piers from the Pokémon series. Now, if he only had luscious, thick locks, he wouldn’t be on this list. No, look at the level of colour you’d need to match his style. Not only that, but the intermittent spikes, no matter how impressive, are impossible to imagine. You’d need industrial-level spray — perhaps whatever Guiles uses? — to even manage this. So yes, Piers gets the reward for the most ridiculous hairstyle in Pokémon because I’m sure if I had to try and do his hair like that, I would weep.

Larxene

Kingdom Hearts Series

Larxene has a similar issue to Seymour, but Seymour is worse; I want to know why Nomura thought the antennae were a good look, Larxene’s hair would be fine, if not for this choice. If you walked into a salon and asked for this, they’d probably be so confused. How much gel would you need? Gel is heavy, and for long hair, it doesn’t have the same effect as short hair — I would know; I remember those crazy hair days in primary school — so it wouldn’t work. A hairstylist would sigh and probably consider if Gorilla Glue is acceptable to put on hair.

Kinshiro Morooka

Persona 4

I admit that Morooka didn’t hit the jackpot in the looks department, and his unpleasant personality is the least of his worries. With the comb over and the bangs, it’s like he’s trying to hang onto his youth, which is ironic considering how much he hates the kids of Yasogami High School. The problem is, no hairstyle would work for Morooka, and it’s just deeply unfortunate all around.

Daryan Crescend

Apollo Justice: Ace Attorney

Daryan’s hair isn’t the most ridiculous thing in the world; I mean, I love pompadours… however, everything about his pompadour is ridiculous. The man loves his shark motif too much, and there’s a time when Klavier should have taken him aside and called for an intervention. The spikes at the back make no sense, and you’d have to be so specific about the white dye at the tip. I have to wonder: what does Daryan look like with his hair down? How much gel does he put in his hair? Nothing makes sense anymore.

Yasuhiro Hagakure

Danganronpa Series

Finally, I end this list, with Yasuhiro Hagakure. I admit I don’t hate Hagakure’s hair, but it does confound me. My knowledge of Danganronpa is limited, but while researching this article, I was immediately taken aback. While I drew the line at Yu-Gi-Oh! characters, Hagakure seems to have a similar issue. His hair is drastically spiked, but he also appears to have dreadlocks. I don’t know how much his hair weighs, and I’m concerned for him. No wonder he sits like this; his hair probably puts the weight of the world on his shoulders. If you walked into a hair salon for his look, you’d probably be met with a deadpan stare as they wonder what they did to deserve all of these hours of work, (I admit, his future look appears much better, and tying his hair back helped a lot).

And here is my selection of hairstyles that would make a stylist weep! Tell me, do you agree with this list? Any honourable mentions who I’ve missed out on? Let me know in the comments!